Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Farmville is her only friend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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