So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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