OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
