I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And then he peed in my hair
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