We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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