I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
