a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
