She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
