i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
