Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
