You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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