her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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