I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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