Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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