That's intense
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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