fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
