I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
