White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
