how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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