It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
