mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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