I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
