Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
