The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
