Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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