WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Someone shattered a urinal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A+ Viking dick
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
