Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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