if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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