community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
