if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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