If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
