How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
do nipples grow back?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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