The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
