That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
