make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
