My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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