I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
