How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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