Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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