i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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