i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
