And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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