I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
