Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
