i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We have started to decorate penises.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
