I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
