You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
