Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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