Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
