my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
