It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
