wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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