her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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