it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
