Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
