; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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