Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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