I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
