it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
