I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
