So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
