The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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