Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
