I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't deserve a penis
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
