I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
