question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
