You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
