I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
