that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
