I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
