i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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