at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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