You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
