How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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