the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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