4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
