Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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