remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
