Is it normal to miss your booty call?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
