I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
