brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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