His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
