you guys were way drunker than both of me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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