I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
