I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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